Loitering with a Purpose

From The Onion...

2009-09-07T15:21:00.002-05:00

Townsfolk gather at dusk to chastise the monster for being so destructive and inconsiderate.

Mob Not Angry At Monster, Just Disappointed
July 26, 2008 | Issue 44•30

CEAMURLIA, ROMANIA—Clearly frustrated by the third disheartening rampage on their town this week, a band of perturbed, torch-wielding villagers gathered at the gates of Dr. Benedikte Cojocaru's castle Monday to confront the monster that had left a trail of inappropriate destruction and chaos, in hopes of communicating how let down they all felt by his murderous actions, sources said.

"What were you thinking?" respected village elder Petar Grul said. "You've been out all night, doing God knows what, while we cower in our homes unable to sleep. Frankly, we're at the end of our rope here."

"Just—just don't say anything," Grul added after the raging creature hurled a massive chunk of masonry down from the parapet at the assembled crowd. "You go think about what you did."

The stern, no-nonsense confrontation was only the latest in a series of vexing monster-related incidents. Over the past year, similar rampages have killed 22 people and an entire flock of sheep, destroyed a flour mill, and left the townspeople wondering if the beast ever even considers their feelings at all.

A number of residents who have lost their patience with the unholy creation said they have tried being mad, but decided it is not worth the effort if the monster is just going to keep crushing the skull of every innocent blacksmith's daughter who makes the mistake of offering him a flower. According to Grul, the townspeople have "had just about enough of this business," and resolved to address the issue openly with a full and frank discussion, "no matter how painful it may be." A two-hour chase through foggy moors ensued, at which point the monster took refuge in the closest thing he had to a home, the castle of his creation.

Abandoning previous tactics of setting more specific boundaries, taking away privileges, and lighting him afire, the mob cornered the beast to unleash their chagrin.

"You may be an abomination in the eyes of God, but that doesn't give you the right to terrorize us," villager Sorin Mironescu yelled. "And don't you try to change the subject by saying you never asked to be created. We all have problems. You are a miracle of science, darn it, and it's time you started acting like one."

Should the mob fail to get through to the monster, sources said its members plan to go home, bolt their doors and windows shut, throw up their arms, and have a long talk about what to do next.

"I just think he's capable of doing so much better," said Stefan Mikrvicz, who has personally had "more than a few" run-ins with the monster. "We're not here to assign blame, but on the other hand, we do feel this situation really needs to be improved."

The monster is reportedly a hideous patchwork of human and animal parts stitched together into a rough approximation of a person, and is possessed of the strength of 10 men. It was created with limbs and organs stolen from graves and was imbued with the spark of life through a powerful magnet by crazed scientist and prominent community figure Doctor Cojocaru, who described himself as "totally exasperated" by the whole ordeal.

"Look at him," said Cojocaru, gesturing to the snarling man-thing pacing the castle's ramparts. "I made him to triumph over death itself and play God, not to sit here and watch him make bad choice after bad choice. Was it me? He's really let us all down, and I just don't know where we went wrong."

Efforts to coax the monster outside for a good talking-to, including pitchfork-waving, rock-throwing, and guilt-tripping, have thus far yielded no positive results.

"He's obviously a smart guy—he mastered the power of human speech without being taught, and that says a lot," villager Theodr Brezeanu said. "But we can't help him unless he helps himself. Right now all he seems to want to do is hang out and drown small children for no good reason."

This is not the first time Ceamurlia has had its expectations dashed by a horrific creature. In 2004, a werewolf tore apart three villagers in a dismaying bloodbath, and in 2007, a local vampire created an army of undead and filled everyone with shame.

Despite the loss of livestock, family members, and trust, many villagers continue to believe the sullen beast will someday straighten up and be more like Count Radulescu's monster, who always makes such nice finger sandwiches for their parties.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mob_not_angry_at_monster_just

News Flash! Grad, Moving, Stunning Work of Genius :)

2009-07-26T14:23:00.005-05:00

Ach! So much time has passed already since my last visit here. My legitimate excuse (oh, did you think I didn't have one?) has been the ever-encrouching day of graduation along with all the cares and preparation it necessitates. But it is official! On Monday at 1:30pm I will have completed the course and can move on to big people troubles once again. I only hope I can land the job I need and have a place to rest when nighttime comes.
The real reason for my return, I must confess, is not guilt at all, but an attempt to pave the way for a new article I am currently writing. My intention is to publish it on my Catholic Intrigue blog, as it is closely tied to the aspect of our Faith. To be blunt, it will be an extremely lengthy exposé on the Di Vinci Code, which I was mystified by last week. As it requires an enormous amount of research, I cannot disclose the date for the article's release; that is unknown to me. But I am determined to take whatever time I can and produce as complete, informative and accurate work as possible. Just pray that I can find an apartment to do it in before too long.

Words to the Less-Wise

2009-06-18T17:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why I bother with people. The more I see of them, the more I realize how rare and priceless it is to be a mature adult. I owe much to my parents and their having given me a valuable up-bringing. I can be a true citizen of the world without having shame in who I am, what I want to become or how I deport myself on a daily basis. Then there are the run-of-the-mill folks, who have no concern or courtesy for the people around them, throwing out hateful, rude comments with no provocation. Is this what our society has degraded to? A handful of spineless insecure people who have to show their superiority (or lack thereof) by estranging themselves from common decency or respect for their fellow man. Apparently there are those who have not mentally or emotionally left high-school, still finding it the hip thing to make enemies or unnecessarily speak their minds instead of pursuing an ongoing peace with their brethren whenever possible. Unfortunately, it is the lot of those who do not follow that type of behavior to be the outcasts, the squares, the prudes. I disagree. The lesser mortals should be the ones bearing the label; 'short-sighted, proud, insignificant followers'.
And what about communication? What happened to that? When I grew up, it was customary to be in touch with those who were close to you. It was courteous to update those with whom you had plans. Especially if you are running late or have to bail. Don't just leave those peeps hangin'. They're counting on you to keep up with your end of the bargain. Acquaintance is a two-way street. It's an unspoken contract. 'Hi, I know you. we will carpool in the morning to school. If plans change, on my honor, I will let you know.' Or 'yeah, the bar sounds great. Let's meet in 45 minutes.' Living among us are certain individuals who seem to have a mindset that the silent rules do not apply to them, or only when convenient, or only when involving someone-they-like. If you don't call in to work, there will be consequences: you just might lose your job. The same applies for friendship, or any dealing of a social nature. If someone is waiting on you, counting on you, or worse, doing you a favor? Outstep those boundaries too many times and you'll find yourself just a little bit lonelier. Or at least less respected, which is equivalent to emotional non-existence.
It isn't natural to like everyone we meet. Step up and play the polite round, and your odds just went up 82%. It's possible to accept others at face value. It's easy, levelheaded and there are no risks involved. Yet, we tend to be too wrapped up in ourselves and our insecurities, 'what are they thinking about me?', to realize that 1) everyone else is doing just that 2) if we look past ourselves a whole world of mutual giving is out there 3) we will be better people if we just get over what we are going/have gone through and learn something new from someone else. Trust can be painful. Rejection is a normal occurance. But if you don't put yourself out there, as you are, no curtain, no screen, no false projection of a perfect person, the supposed friends that your just made or didn't make, totally just accepted (or rejected) someone that you are going to need lies and props to make believable. If you are honest, at least you know that those around you love or hate you, the real person, flesh and blood, virtues and faults, hopes and misgivings, talents and failures. Ulitmately, it's much much easier than the alternative, and less stressful. In fact, it's downright awesome!

decisions

2009-04-22T20:05:00.003-05:00

This week has been hard. It's a long blurred collection of 'what ifs'. There comes a time when one must realize that, even though 'God's will be done' in every circumstance, we have a very real role in how that will is to be manifested. Free choice is a frightening concept. It's like peerless beauty or bottomless wealth; at some point every unworthy recipient has cursed the heavens at his plight. Now, what to do when blunt reason and intuition have a brassy clash? Like mayo and cinnamen on the same sandwich... They don't always work together. And why does this intuitive sense have to resemble so closely the reluctance and laziness to choose something hard? The one skulking deep inside the other, perhaps? An excuse with a well trained emotional cover? But still!! It's not that simple. How does one person make the choice that will not only change but dictate the lives of countless people, some not even born? I'd love to throw up my hands and say, hmm, not my problem. That is utterly ridiculous. If this isn't my nearly-sole responsibility, there never was such a thing. *stands upright, raises chin, struts about in dramatic manner* It is my choice, my call to make, and thus shall I choose. I just don't have an answer right now.

To pass the time...

2009-03-11T19:52:00.005-05:00

It's a Saturday afternoon. I'm in a laundromat. I haven't been in many laundromats; maybe three or four, if I was gonna put a number on it. The one time I remember was when our cleaning system went down back at the farm and we had no choice. The other time was on the road and necessity deemed we wash a load for the sake of the youngest, who had managed to soak through the reservoir so carefully prepared by Mom. Nevertheless, I've never been in a laundromat on my own, in a new town, with almost no money. I could remember that the machines only took quarters; that's pretty stock information. But when did it go up to 3.75 a load?! Thankfully there were some double loaders open, so I'm able to wash 2 huge blankets, 2 small ones and a couple pajama pants for $5. Now to wait for the completion of the wash cycle. I was spoiled with free laundry back home. This sucks. I've promised myself that once my bundle of soggy warmth is in the dryer, I can indulge in some aeromatic cancer. Only a few minutes now...
As little as I visit the laundromat scene, I am perpetually amused by the people there with me. The couple that just walked in, for instance; an almost middle-aged construction worker and his wife (or longtime live-in, can't tell which). She was probably termed "one-of-the-boys", smokes incessantly and was most likely a bartender at one point in her life. They take up 6 washers right off the bat; each basket is sorted accordingly: not-so-white-anymore-whites (I think Hanes' brand is most prominent), about three loads of jeans and t-shirts, and the random compilation of leftovers, followed by the heavy canvas jacket. This couple is very at ease with one another, making simple conversation. It's easy to see they compliment each other and have for years. Ha! She's laughing at a silly story he tells her, complete with sound effects. Can't help but wonder how many months have passed since he treated his greying curls to a trim and wash. She was definitely a beauty in college and still keeps up the hilites.
Then there's the loner in the corner by the windows. His jet black hair is thick, but my guess is he's 40 plus about three years. He has no magazine or crossword, but just sits there watching the mechanics of the dryer. The look on his face tells that he's not easily amused, maybe never. Oh, he's leaving, and makes a joke as he passes the single women unloading her basket of towels. I was wrong about the laughing thing. Glad to see him chuckle.
I've been working on some school assignments for the most part of my wait, using markers to color-code diagrams of bone structure. I'm convinced the mexican couple smoking in their teal mercury outside think I'm doing a color-by-number or something.
The cute college chick just came back from tanning to grab her dry laundry. The guy with her is slightly less attractive but looks like good boyfriend material. Now he's putting quarters in the electric arcade machine across for me.
I just noticed the wallpaper border surrounding the top of the room. It's a would-be pastel of an apron, button-up shirt, hand towel, day dress, socks and a pillowcase all flapping dry on a clothesline. I'm also seeing the sign on the washers: push red button before turning handle. Funny thing: the button is silver.
It's 4:30 now and I want to go home and eat. Almost done. But it's so good to write.

2008-09-13T22:28:00.000-05:00

I love him. He makes me happy. And it makes my day just to see him smile into my eyes. I am safe and worry-free whenever he holds me; anything I can do to encourage or ease his labors is my first priority. But still: sometimes my mind will tempt me to second guess; to re-evaluate the situation again and again and again. To what end then, is my question. Should I see something not to my liking (which, to be honest, certainly exists. I'm not dating some quirkless saint), would I act upon it, or even make a changing decision based upon that realization? The answer to that is no! I am too happy, too much in love, too much in admiration of the wonderful man I dare to possess. Any little incompatibility or complaint we may have with each other, or rather I with him, seems to petty and minuscule seen next to the pride that floods my heart when I watch his movements and call him mine. There exists a contentment here that brings peace in the too numerous hours absent from his scent and presence.
The next minute, I wonder to myself "How long will it all last?". I'm not so blind to not realize that I am blind, seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. Eventually this complete obsession will wear off and become habitual and not so appreciated. I know this. Ignoring it isn't helpful in avoiding it. However, which if any of the "little nothings" I put aside now as being puny and inconsequential will rise up and fuel the very battle I would rather didn't know where to find us? Could it be that flowers, walks and talks, jazz and dancing are so important that someday, I will never let it rest?? Who knows how long it will be before I awake and tell myself "what I have isn't good enough, I could have done better for myself, stick to your own kind" only to find that perhaps it is too late an epiphany. To over-analyze is a habit and a vice not to be enslaved by. But God forbid (and I'm embarrassed to even write this) that I sell myself short. Not because he isn't worth every ounce of my affection and substance, but for the fact that he may not be entirely right for me, forever. Then I slap myself, for how can such a thing be true that my love for him, which is immense, be over-powered by time!!!

2008-07-17T20:05:00.002-05:00

Pardon me my tears. I just tired, so tired; I'm tired of chasing after something that is not humanly attainable. Sick of following something, wanting only that something, or someone rather, that is indifferent to my pursuit. Too impatient to wait customarily for that too-good-to-be-true moment, grasping and grappling for the half-assed but expected day when everything is beautiful. So, because it starts out with my lashes brushing open against your chest; I feel your breath on my forehead, your hand fitting perfectly between my waist and hip. And I wake just moments before you; so easy to relish the subconscious affection of the unconscious. Knowing throughout, that tomorrow will present no news of you, except what I salvage myself. Which leads me to the frustration of loving someone who cannot remember my existence unless I am standing beside him, to want and somehow not be wanted. I can take everything else: recklessness, anger, incessant teasing, impatience, man-handling, ridicule, even inconsistency. what I cannot stand, will not stand, or stand by is someone who forgets. About me, about us, about everything but himself. I have hoped against reason and experience that such is not your case. But time whispers it in my ear every passing day you neglect me, "Go home, weary follower. Wait there for a man, one ready to take all of you, put it in a satchel and carry it with him everywhere, regardless of the extra pressure, inconvenience, strain, pain and cost. Such is a being worthy of you. Save your heart for him." When a person loves, the expression of it is not truly in a kiss, words of admiration, caresses, sex: it is in sacrifice that love manifests itself. Nothing will hold that type of love inside; trapped or hidden, never. Unnoticed, it's possible, but perfectly visible to the naked eye. And hurtfully lacking when someone says - I love you - and doesn't mean it.

Reconsiderations

2008-07-05T18:50:00.004-05:00

I want to share with you.
Not just one thing; EVERYTHING!

I want a share in your ideas, your frustrations, your dreams, your doubts and insecurities, your time, your air, your loves, your bed, your LIFE..
There is something so unique about you; I can't get enough. I thought I could cut you from my world, but every time I would dig the knife deeper and deeper, glorying in the pain, shortness of breath and glistening blood; then I would see you, hear your voice, read your words and through some healing power, the bleeding stops, the flesh reconnects itself, leaving only a scar, starring temptingly to be re-awoken, marking territory that should just be left alone. But always there to remind me of you, bringing my soul to what had been, what was accomplished: what was permanently imprinted therein. Your name has found a resting place there, a comfortable home, not to be thrown out one sunny spring day.
Sketched as indelibly as ink could muster, going deeper; as steel spokes, pulsating and turning, even as my heart daily beats itself to death for ever letting you go.

2008-04-27T23:45:00.002-05:00

Smoke, grey disperses in wisps
of wistfulness,
clouding an already misty mindset.
Dreading the necessary,
hopelessly hoping all will be well;
preparing for a sudden stop.
Mull over mistakes past,
look back to wrong.
Unready for the hurt to come,
and not even for myself so much.
Easy enough to live without,
painful to say no.
Set an ultimatum,
reek havoc in disgust.
Dissatisfaction plain
status unsure.
Coordinating the heart,
aligning the mind,
bring two together,
even as we part ways.
Take a break, release you,
to save you from losing me.
Patience useful, doubtful,
frightening, images of
a world without you.

Indeed

2008-03-28T23:39:00.003-05:00

Never so safe as with your arms
about me
Never better loved than when you
brush back my hair
and touch your lips to me
Not as confident
until you call me beautiful
Not fully appreciated, but when
you say thank you
Never quite needed, then you
reach for me

Sometimes lost,
rescued as you send a look which tells all;
that you truly care for me.

It is enough to hold your hand
and be complete
To kiss you and melt at the taste
To be naked but oh so warm

2007-11-13T00:56:00.000-06:00

This is torture! My mind is so jumbled and scattered. Feelings of admiration and disgust fluctuating to an all-time high.. and low. Wish there was something I could do. Some poignant course of action to stem the confusion and put indecision to a permanent rest. You disappoint me sometimes on a number of levels, but exalt me to one I couldn't have reached on my own. How long can I wait for you to grow up and do what men do, when with one look you make me believe you've always done it. I wish that with one heroic deed everything could be straightened out. A crowning moment! After I've taken a bullet for you perhaps, lying finally with your arms holding me close, looking down with eyes of wonder and gratitude! Only for me to frankly admit that I didn't much want to live anyway.

Possibility

2007-10-06T00:39:00.000-05:00

Once again, utterly confused by consistency.
When you openly confess you will speak
of things to me
but not to me,
what am I to think but they be about me?
And when there is hint of an intimation forthcoming,
am I not to presume that the time is not right
for my ears to take it in?
I cannot be so indisposed.

Or is that now finally, your lips
will form words I've cried to hear since your first honest gesture?
The last four weeks not inclusive.
And so I rethink, to my detriment.
Repeatedly I will insist on putting my heart
and relentless imagination in harm's way --I was so over you.
But the drastic reversal of behavior!
Hands, cheeks, lips,
sending signals I am tempted to ignore.
Why should I collapse now after resisting your charm all my conscious hours?
Don't be unfair to me. Surely I don't deserve it.
I'm guilty only of loving you.

2007-07-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

Freshly Scented Soap To Cleanse Irish
New Two-Deodorant Soap Will Erase Abdominable Stench Of Unwashed, Potato-Eating Subhumans
April 22, 1998 Issue 33•15

DUBLIN, IRELAND—After centuries of suffering, the people of the world will finally have some much-needed relief from the offending filth of the ubiquitous Irish. The remedy: a new, freshly scented deodorant soap designed specifically with malodorous Irish riff-raff in mind.

The soap, an exciting, logo-embossed consumer product featuring rich lather, an outdoorsy spring-fresh scent and a revolutionary two-deodorant composition, will come in an enticing marbled, green-white color motif deliberately designed to attract persons of Irish descent by appealing subconsciously to deeply rooted Gaelic cultural signifiers.
Said Rodger Watkins, co-chair of the soap development team: "In addition to being doubly powerful in fighting odor-causing Irishness, the soap possesses a specially patented, whimsical image intended to evoke memories of a long-lost mythical Irish arcadia where the Irish gripped blades of grass in their clenched teeth and bathed in the icy waterfalls of dew-dappled woodland ponds, and everything smelled wonderful—so unlike the Ireland of today."
"At last," Watkins said, "decent folk will be able to go outside without having to hold scarves to their noses every time a swarthy, drunken, potato-gorged bricklayer ambles past. Now the Irish will have a tolerable—perhaps even pleasant—scent issuing forth from their pasty, sweaty persons."
Under a new mandate just passed by the U.N. General Assembly, tubs of water and bars of soap will be delivered to all Irish households with clear instructions on appropriate bathing habits. The instructions will be in pictogram form to ensure comprehension on the part of the ignorant, illiterate Irish.
"Although many forms of soap have been developed over the centuries, none were ever powerful enough to cleanse the citizens of the Emerald Isle," Watkins said. "But once they wash themselves fully with this new soap, their abominable stench will be virtually gone."
The turtleneck-clad Watkins said the breakthrough soap leaves all who use it, even the Irish, "fresh and clean as a whistle."
The soap's revolutionary secret, he said, is its "two deodorants."
Watkins demonstrated by displaying a bar of the soap and cutting off a sliver with a knife. A look at a cross-section of the bar's interior revealed clearly defined streaks of green and white, the colors serving as a visual representation of the two odor-fighters.

How Does It Work?
Since the inside of the bar looked exactly like its exterior, it was unclear what this demonstration was intended to accomplish. Witnesses agreed, however, that the use of the knife conveyed a spirit of manly, outdoorsy virility.
"After that display, I almost want to buy the product myself—and I'm neither filthy nor Irish," said observer Sharon Lowenstein.
The Irish-cleansing plan has met with some resistance, particularly from members of the Irish community. "Begorrah," Belfast native Seamus Singleton said. "Oi would sooner snuggy up ter a bumblebee dan dunk me hoide in dat dere bathwash. Noo, surr. Th' best perfoom fer old Seamus be da Earth wot God done made His own self."
In accordance with the new U.N. statute, Singleton was forcibly dunked in a vat of hot water by police and scrubbed until pink. Singleton was then issued new, clean clothing, and his grimy, sweat-stained outfit consisting of a shirt, breeches and tiny green bowler with a shamrock tucked into the band was confiscated. He was permitted to keep his clay pipe.
"The rebellious and confrontational nature of the Irish will be a problem," said Chicago police spokesman Jonathan Franck, whose city is home to more than a million Irish. "But that's what billy clubs are for."
Chicago mayor Richard Daley is tremendously excited about the new soap as well. "We've got a lot of Irish here, that's for sure," he said. "And hooo-wheee, on a hot day, they can smell 'em in Decatur."

Unabashedly stolen from www.theonion.com

Un-

2007-06-15T19:41:00.000-05:00

Neglected once again as another evening
falls without invitation,
knowing that there is no one
burdened with leftover inclination at the sound
of my name;
Searching to find myself in images of you
taxes my infused realization of worth;
how is it I persistantly love
when time
has shown that those worth the winning
will not be won over
...by me.

Yet I continue to be entranced
by this unattainable wonder
of the desired.
How long will I chase before one turns back and sees me
with eyes of respect and adoration? Will
this unrealized vision
follow me into the unreasonable,
even as it leads me presently?

Let it take years or more.

I cannot settle for second best, so
best will have to settle for one with lofty needs and asking.
Those who can fulfill become so by gratifying
those who cannot.
If each one thinks this way, every one of us gets
the better deal.
Now it's your turn
to notice: the face upturned in your direction.
Take it. Kiss it.
Love it. It is me.

indecisive

2007-05-29T03:54:00.000-05:00

I almost blame myself.

How can I help it that the separation is for the best? My conscience rebelling against my feelings for you both, my secret desire to let you know, and my shaking cowardice standing aside a need to speak my mind. When my moment comes, there is not courage enough to supplement the difference of belief. I cave into the bosom of denial and bitter self-loathing. And Someone covered for me; taking matters out of my district and bestowing justified calamity to help sort out my conscience, and rectify a state of pristine truthfulness. I rejoice and grieve, feeling treacherous that I can do both or either. Now, I read words to others that I did not write, and bury deep any spark of what I was about to say. It will continue with me unannounced, even though it should have been.

from long ago

2007-05-16T21:46:00.000-05:00

It's no use checking up
for messages from you.
All the sites are open,
nothing holds you back
and I try to stem a
slight disappointment that
you don't choose to communicate.
My cell buzzes harshly,
but there is no jumpiness in
my girlish heart because I
never anticipate a call from
you.
First.

Please don't read what I'm
afraid to say. I just need you
to help build my worth
into something inpenetrable.
In truth, I feel for you, but only
a slice wants you, all of you. So build
me up, construct a fortress so
dense as to be safe from you. Though
I know the only way you truly strengthen my defenses is
to knock them down; this is your way.
Is it terrifying to enjoy my ownership of you so
frankly discussed and to know deep
down that you are the possessing
spirit here?

I listen to your favorite song,
trying my hardest not to make it
mine. A question worms its way into
my every dream: am I a separate
indentity in your brain? a distinct goodness
that you could love even for a moment?

Our lives are built on moments, and
this one was spent thinking of you.

from March of '07

ever so random

2007-05-08T03:11:00.000-05:00

I am a Tom Sawyer, not a Huck Finn. So is the Scotty. Meaning that instead of living life on the wild, extreme, I-will-just-run-away-from-home-and-see-where-I-end-up side, we are more cautious and rational, talk people into doing stuff we are hesitant to do; or talk ourselves out of stuff we have done ;). I do confess that sometimes I'm slightly envious of you Huck Finns out there with your spontaneous, screw-the-results attitude. You lead an adventurous life but while I may join in at times, there's just no way I could live my life like that: glorious and irresponsible. Yeah, life is a bowl of cherries. But Juicy Juice can be cool sometimes too. *wink*

The 9 key keeps sticking on my register. I got 2 over-rings today because of it. NOT happy.

Fight Club is a wacked-up movie but I LOVED IT!!! Weird mind games, crazy stuff. Tell why these are my favorite types of film and I will share how..... well, I'll think of something.
Speaking of which, I should catch some sleep. must be at work in 5 hours. Silly me.

Currently Listening:
Veinte Anos by Buena Vista Social Club

2007-05-01T20:23:00.000-05:00

hello dearies.
So my bestest and dearest friend leaves for boot camp tomorrow at 9am. yeah. I've cried so much today (which isn't tooooo much, because I am Sara). I'm excited that she will gain new friends and life experience. And I don't feel the least bit selfish in wanting her here with me. I just wish it wasn't so soon. Well, it's not like we haven't known forever when this would happen. But still, it's too soon. too soon.
This is a fair warning that there may be some horribly depressing, verging-on-emo posts coming up. feel free to comment and cheer me up!!!

:)

2007-04-27T01:34:00.000-05:00

Today I fly in the face of convention. No, I'm not gay.

Upon little to no deliberation, I decided to dress up for work today. As in, wear 3.5 inch heels to work today. What you may not know is, I work retail. Funny mental image, ain't it? The reaction was as immediate as it was amusing. The mother-like employees looked me up 'n down and asked bluntly, "Girl, are you crazy?"; already knowing the answer, of course. They were just being polite. But my manager had to take the cake for obsession over the unimportant. Everytime he saw me, there was some quipp about Dancing with the Stars, and having to watch the next show 'cuz he'd heard I'd be demonstrating the salsa with some puerto rican hottie. Oh, Dave.... He should have known that is next week's. Then we all got to work after close and assembled lamps. Gotta love their idea of employee bonding. but all pales to the fact that Eddie is coming!! dun dun DUN!!

The weather continues gorgeous.

I have more poetry. It's pretty outdated; by a month. still proud of it though.

God bless the breeze. *sigh*

currently listening:
Oh, it is Love by hellogoodbye

Mis-Calculated

2007-04-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

Life is full of crazy shit. I don't know what propels the unorderly, but it always acheives the upper hand.
I'm lying alone for the first time in weeks. It's funny to think that sometimes it takes two to properly fill a bed. Solitude has is merits, but it is only letters away from lonliness. Every second I'm counting on your door to squeak ajar, your head to peek in, and your voice - lovely perfect voice - to say wholeheartedly, "Sara! I did not sleep with him," in tones so earnest and disgusted, and yet so regretful too. But we know you did the right thing.

And as for you... There isn't an expression bare enough to contain my blunt, almost crass devotion to you, both of you. NO, all three of you. We have a bond not easily tampered with. But before I go on, gotta remind myself.. still deciding...

Tonight.

I want to apologize, and in turn I accept whatever words you may render. This agonizing pleasure in being amidst the thick of things; I think it just temporarily drowned my heart and I narrow-mindedly abandoned ship.

There is a little child beside me; waves beinging news from an opposite shore inhance the roaring silence. He hands me his pail and says simply, "fill it."
Silly child and silly me. My own bucket is already so full. There is nothing much more to wish for.
Silly of me to let dissatisfaction cloud my pride in being chosen second.

Currently listening:
Us by Regina Spektor

written Apr. 9 2007

New Discovery

2007-04-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

Man, I never thought my life could improve so much in one week. Confidence has suddenly found me a willing cooperator and it's a relationship I hope only to cultivate as the weeks go on. Oh, I still say ultimately stupid and embarassing things, but how amazing it is to sigh and think: they love me anyway!! There is so much pressure reduced once I realized that while I was trying so hard to gain the good opinion of others, I'd failed to notice that I had already!!! Some things are unshakable; parental love, a craving for chocolate, and the kind thoughts of friends who couldn't be happier than when together. There is no room for jealousy and self-consciousness where love and comfort abound. And I have found this!!!

2007-04-04T14:30:00.000-05:00

Here it is. April 4th and it's SNOWING!! I realize that life in North Dakota is kind of a risk like that, but a blizzard isn't all that necessary this time of year. As I say, God has a splendidly cruel sense of irony. It's like He peeked down, saw how much fun we were having, gaily frolicking in the almost green grasses and a tiny bug of thought tugged His ear. hmmm, it's April Fool's. well, not exactly but it's the week of... ah, close enough!! GAAAHH!!! Take that, my lovable little humans!!! Ah, I enjoy this.

I can't wait to meet God. Just a thought.

Oh my

2007-03-21T13:23:00.000-05:00

Wow, reading over these last few posts, it's dawned on me that the precious little number of viewers must see me in the pits of hell, or at least despair. Ha, no.

As a rule, I write my poetry based on an emotion I feel, but let my inner actress take it to an extreme new level, shocking even me sometimes with the over-pronouncement of whatever emotional phase I go through. No, let me state most emphatically that I hate no one, that the dear person for whom these pieces were written is still very wonderful, and I've not one intention of committing suicide. Good, are you smiling??

Cuz I am.

so much more than bitterness

2007-03-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

Each Time
it's a bit easier
to let go.

I thank God!

As many chips
as you've harvested from my quivering Emotion
ought to buy you out of Purgatory.

A Vital connection never fully realized
gives miserable Life to those who
want it.
It gives what I thrust far from me.

Call me bitter, accuse me of
hate;
this preparation for a charge
has only siphoned my regard for you;
exhausted
my flaky view of me.

Now that you've destroyed my trust,
enjoy your salvation, for well
have you earned it.

Let me be your cheerful victim.

At least then
will I be in some way connected to your triumph.

don't forget it

2007-03-17T01:47:00.001-05:00

never thought I could feel such
relief in being free of you.
though my insides ache for
your words
I find the nerve to sigh and be content.
presumption has made me your equal,
but attitudes die in monotonous agony,
and I have forbidden my soul to evermore deceive itself.
your heedlessness of me has
once again clarified a foggy sky,
baring me
in full force to the ravaging wind of regret
and of solitude.
forgive me my thoughts of you and
your kind,
believing you to be
low and like unto others.
I release it all now
amid cries and sobbing to the same wind I
find in my company.

You are free!
I am free.

and
that freedom is sweet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

currently listening: Your Pretty Eyes
by: Rediscover

to whom do I owe....?

2007-03-10T23:10:00.000-06:00

There appears to be an individual in Florida who frequently checks this website. Yes, I'm watching you!! ;p no. But I would love to know a little something about you, the more interesting the better. go ahead, leave a note or send an email; I look forward to hearing from ya.

When in Love

2007-03-06T00:26:00.000-06:00

Here I lie,
with darkness all about me,
surrounded by the quiet
hum of existence.

The stillness is not complete tonight,
and so I take this moment
to converse with my memory.
Strange that we should
always pick you for our topic
of interest,
but not so strange either.
Together in the calm,
we trace a lingering portrait
of your face,
and recall that it was yesterday you last spoke to me.
I feel like a child
for sharing this,
but I fear it must be said: I love you
in some small way.
And my weary head, now unburdened of the secret,
may rest fully and
lure the memory to its rightful sleep.

content

2007-03-04T20:01:00.000-06:00

Each word you say lifts me to a new height.
Hearing our every thought collide can only serve
to fuse the bond we find between us.

You are, in a word, irresistible.

Choosing my words
but letting my thoughts run wild,
I endeavor to make you smile,
speaking through the laughter you inspire in me.
And when I perceive, feel your amusement,
I behold with pride what I have created.

Without me, your life would be without
some speck of light,
and I am comforted.

Now as we say goodbye,
each whispering softly what both yearn to send forth in a deluge,
I admit that your company is precious to me;
leaving it to your subtlty to know I just mean you.

My Confession

2007-03-01T00:40:00.000-06:00

It's rather terrible to be somehow reassured in one's own worth by someone else's misfortune. So I ask myself, how can I feel this way? Can I really be that unfeeling and conniving of a person? Of course I love my friends, but at the same time I occasionally get the feeling that I use them to my advantage every once in awhile. Again, I ask.. This can not really be me!??!! It's normal to feel slighted when attention isn't acchieved when you need it, but to be indirectly pleased when, because of someone else's bad luck or bad timing, you are made to actually look good?? yes, I am aware now that my life is one of farse, deception and pretend merry-making. I don't dream at night anymore, but sort of take part in a calculating, dry dialogue that doesn't make sense to anyone present. Silly things gain prominence, the same actions are repeated over and over, and the Great Wall of China will never be completed because I always awake and must start again. Why am I not susceptible to the emotion of others; when they cry, oh how I wish I could with them, but nothing is there. I may feel for them, but my eyes have never been so unfruitful. My theory? I am too damn caught up in my own life right now, while pretending even to myself, to be giving, sacrificing, LIVING for others!!! And I have been living, no! existing in this facade without realizing the terrors it can put me up to. It's a horrid thing to be ungrateful. Little would I like to see the finger of guilt pointed in my direction, and I stir awake to witness it shakingly accuse to my very face.

Even as I write, thoughts occur to me: Oh Sara, how wonderful that you could use your gift of words to perhaps be a solace to others, to assure them that they do not experience alone. And some will think better of you when you finish because you had the courage to face your dissatisfaction of your own frailty! Oh, my dears, I am subtle, but not really so subtle after all.

Can't you see that I am throwing this out to you, desperately?? as one trapped by something that crept up from within and over-powered its source of life. Oh God help me! Now as I type these characters, there is a rush of irresistable pleasure in being so depressed and in need of help.

Is it possible to be more shallow than this?

-finis-

2007-02-22T00:36:00.000-06:00

well, my confusion has past. Nothing came of it all. ah, such is life.

Pop! Six! Squish! Uhuh! Cicero! Lipshitz!

"You know how people have these liitle habits that get you down? Like, Ernie! Ernie, he like to chew gum. No, not chew. POP! So I come home this one day, and I'm really irritated, and I'm lookin for a little sympathy. And there Ernie! Lying on the couch, drinkin a beer and chewin. No, not chewin. Poppin'!!! So I said to him, I said 'You POP that gum one more time....' and he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots. IN TO HIS HEAD.."

yeah. whatever.

So how are you?

I'll say again, don't be scared to leave a hi. If you've been here more than once, I should get to know you, if I don't already.

2006-12-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

I hate being confused. Further, I hate delicate situations. Mix the two and there's no putting it out of your mind. Some things don't work out as they should and fairness doesn't even enter the equation.

I find myself asking why.

~
Insecure? no.
worried? yes.

utterly and completely confused.

2006-12-05T19:00:00.000-06:00

It's as pity when plans don't work out. I was gonna hang out with my best friend and go see Pirates-Dead Man's Chest this evening with a college buddy. not happening! okay, everyone together: "pauvre Sara!!" :) hehe.

As if it weren't apparent, we got out first real douse of snow over the weekend. Just thought I would mention this, and my jubilation. What is it about snow that is so magical? It automatically sorts out the good drivers from the bad. ;)

Oh, I made a deposit at the bank this afternoon with cashback, and I drove off without grabbing my money. yeah. I know. I hung my head, and drove back to face them. I blame it on the snow. euphoria, you understand.

*ahem*

Oh, if you happen to pass by (there are those of you who do; you know who you are, and so do I) I would politely suggest that you make your presence known. :) It makes me so happy!!

2006-11-29T14:10:00.000-06:00

How time flies! It's amazing. My sister has been married nearly 5 months. One year ago I was finishing up my first semester at MSUM. It was a year and a half ago that we all were onstage in Phantom of the Opera. My memory is yelling NO WAY!!! But calendars don't lie and a big 2005-4-3-2 stares back at me convincingly. All I can do is put my head back, whistle, and wow.
Thanks to all who have helped me through it all; cheery sunshiney days, glum faces and tears. You know who y'are. And I love you.

Just thoughts...

2006-11-15T00:54:00.000-06:00

Human interpretation can be a tricky thing sometimes. It's not always the case that we read people in the correct way and when you think about it, this can be very un-nerving. Our only ways of taking in information are the indirect observation of a person, or through their view of themselves as related in their own words, which are still open to our interpretation, by the way...
And how do we fear others' thoughts about us? The fact that we open our minds is a sign of trust, but also an occasion of brutal vulnerability. How much more we could, would say to those we love if only it were possible to get over that fear of being too revealed, too helpless. Of course it's true that those we are closest to could ruin our whole lives, make fools of us and laugh us to scorn. But part of that love is an unvoiced agreement to hold it all sacred, and we do it for them as well. Yet it can be so difficult just to tell someone of your love for them. Why is it hard? Is being in need of someone else so very terrible? Break the silence. They won't laugh.

trying...

2006-11-08T16:51:00.000-06:00

Just got back from a belated b-day lunch at China Doll. I've suddenly discovered that Chinese food is awesome!! Many thanks to Nate.. thou rockest

reading has taken over my life. But don't bother with the rescue team; I'm rather enjoying my captivity.
And, to quiet any fears you may have, a burning love of literature is the only relationship I'm involved in at present. Rumors are scary things. Pay them no heed.

I need to write more poetry.

Nothing more.

Open Interpretation

2006-10-13T19:43:00.000-05:00

A woman walks by, one foot heavier than the other; she doesn't realize her pantyline is showing. Some shower by with their fashion line jewelry, and a precious few search for hand-embroidered towels. Maroon 5 plays on the loud speaker and all show disgust, but for different reasons. Lovers fondle and many refuse to speak, have no right to speak, couldn't should they presume to. All on a quest to choose; some wisely, most not. It's a scam, a façade that has taken over our souls and stifles them of desire. There are numerous decisions before me as I write, yet I go on. For what purpose, I ask myself; to free what I feel within, or to stem the boredom. Does it matter which? I am here.

2006-10-08T20:57:00.000-05:00

I have fixed my problem here.

Go me!

Observations

2006-08-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

Have you ever watched a lake and the massive, almost magical temperment it holds within? You see irritation, complacency, and even a wistful pretense when the day is low and heavy; waiting, wishing for the wind's playful nudge or a lovely caress of sun, but never betraying a whit of desire that things be different. But there it is, fervidly licking the feet of shore, as one prostrate yet maintaining such dignity that mortals sigh in wonder. This water, so alive with attitude but so incapable of its own movement, and quite at the mercy of whomever happens by, can be abused or coveted without complaint; having no will of its own, yet dominating all with a forcefulness exquisite. Seemingly a contradiction, but so it must be. We find the simple confusing; the young astound us with their understanding. And it is innocence that brings us to God.

Fr. Stafki's first Baptism

2006-07-25T00:15:00.000-05:00

"Kaden Joseph, ego te baptizo in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritu Sancti."

Better?

2006-07-25T00:09:00.000-05:00

My Girl's Weddin'

2006-07-12T23:04:00.000-05:00

Our day began at 6:30 am. (Thanks again, Libby!)

The lovely finished product

On to the Church!

Moments before...

!!JUST MARRIED!!

Mayo in the door handles. *wicked cackle*

After

2006-07-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

Little Girls in White

Passing the time, waiting for a very late DJ. Some numbers were quite fitting (I'm a Believer, Your Song, Goin' to the Chapel) and some not so much (Bye Bye Love, Thank God I'm a Country Boy-for Mike-). Then we sort of ran out of material. Here, you see "I'm a Little Tea Pot", performed by the Baer Family, extended relatives, and recently-estranged friends; we weren't even drinking!...much ;-p

Mr. & Mrs. Michael Trujillo

The Usual

2006-07-06T12:46:00.000-05:00

Well, one can't be popular all the time, you know. What I cannot tolerate is 'being pawssed ovuh', as Eliza Doolittle puts it. It is honestly the saddest thing ever to happen; but there are an awful lot of little things that pile and climb until there is no perceivable way over them. Then you list them and laugh at yourself.

I'm at gmail now, if that interests anyone.

My little brother Dominic entertained us in the cutest way on Sunday. He was talking on the cell phone with Matthew on the way home from church. Well, the phone was going dead, but Dom didn't realize that; instead, every time is beeped, he asked incredulously, "Matthew, why are you swearing at me?"

If there isn't anyone interesting at the wedding reception, I might just walk off and refuse to converse. What, no one fell for that? You're right; Sara's a party animal.... so much for that one. *wheeeeww*

I owe exactly $0.70 at the Fargo Library, thanks to Dante and Langston Hughes. But this was way back during Lent, so I suppose it would be best to go take care of my financial obligations, what?

For two whole weeks now, when sewing up the bridesmaids dresses, there have been three principal music favorites: By Jeeves, Charette, and Oliver!. Consequently, we've all been going around spouting our own respective accents, be they British, French or Hackney. Rather fun, though it's to that point that I hear perfect English voices speaking these words as I type. A slave to my own imagination.

You find me currently downloading the proper version of MSN messenger. I got so spoiled at school, being able to see pictures and all that; can't do without anymore. A subtle problem that I face of course, is that of dialup and the two hours any substantial internet-like movement requires. The good news? I'm 11% through it!

Any thoughts? I leave that to you.

I look towards....the FUTURE!!

2006-06-13T07:56:00.001-05:00

Ahhhhhhh!! Please realize, it's not the future that scares me; just the decisions I need to make to get there. Until about 4 days ago, I knew what I was gonna do.. *ahem* "cosmotology college, starting three days after my sister's wedding" *end ahem* Now, I reconsider. One of the reasons to start at Josef's right now was in order to pay my way through massage therapy college, and then probably St. Mary's. But then I sit down and THINK about it all, and realize that if I wait even two years to go to SMs, virtually everyone I know in the school will be gone! And further, there isn't that much of a market for 'beauty care' in that neck of the woods anyway, so not much moola. Plus, classes start at J's just after Ashley's wedding, I won't have made enough money to cover costs by then, AND Mom isn't too keen on my starting there just now. If I were to attend St. Mary's this fall, I would have all summer to work full time. I know, the arguments are piling up high.
And on the other side? I really really want to get into cosmotology asap cuz I would love it. I could have a whole year's experience before leaving home, keep close to my friends here. And, despite the 30 college credits I already have, I'd still need to be in SMs for two years. How much will I miss at home: Celine growing up, church acquaintances and activities (i.e. how will the choir survive? *teases*), various graduations, parties, get-togethers, all that.

And now I tell myself that I have to move on and do what I think's best all around; and STOP worrying how they will cope on the homefront. They will always manage, just as they did when the other kids left. That's all. okay. *walks off*

*peeks back* Help me, you guys. !!!!

Lost to Me

2006-06-08T18:48:00.001-05:00

As I watch you walk down that road,
many thoughts crawl into my head.
About how many times we, you and I,
traversed the same piece of land;
speaking, dreaming, planning, or just, silence.
Our many condolences and secrets bared and shared.
How is it that you can speak to him on our hallowed ground,
watered and blessed by tears from us both?
What is it you tell,
feel,
that I cannot feel with you?
Am I the one to blame; my inadequacies the root of it all?
Or is it a course of life and time; to be again so left behind?
To weep and yet pretend to smile;
wishes of joy where professions of selfishness better match the need.
In my malcontent, there is an underlying greed, of which I know,
and refuse to quench.
But you are my own no longer,
and this I must accept.
Our curt dismissals and rapturous sighs will never revisit us, together.
And while I may soon feel that love again, it will not be with you,
but another.

2006-05-18T17:33:00.000-05:00

2006-04-27T16:42:00.000-05:00

My exorcism paper is officially a done deal. It's 9 pages, 10 with citations. I actually haven't read it as a whole yet, so I hope it flows like a good brainchild. Kinda funny, like most of my papers, I had no idea how it would turn out til the final paragraph. Ya never know when something new will pop into mind.
This morning was kind of weird. Normally on Thursdays I don't get up until roughly 8am; no class til 11. But this morning, the kids had a field trip, and Mom needed the van. So Sara got to go in with Dad, and it's put my day totally out of whack... getting up at 6:15 on a Thursday!! I'm scarred.
Tonight there is a Poetry discussion thingy going on; for extra credit. Since I've stayed in this long, it might be a good thing to go to. Who can't use 5 bonus points?
I just realized I have two completely different styles of blogging. One for xanga, another for blogspot. This one is alot more wordy, and I actually write about what goes on in my life, for some length at times. The other tends to be more colorful, but not as um, worried? does that make sense. Because not many people have this address, and I can just spill.

I'm going now.

2006-04-05T09:12:00.000-05:00

Wow.

Yesterday I turned in my poetry portfolio for English 102. I love that class! Totally at home with everything Ms. Hedeen spits out at us. AND, I hear that *ahem* we might be having class outside on Thursday (I'm probably not supposed to know that, but I read it on her blog, which she doesn't know I check on. Muuuaahahaha!) There is decidedly a giddy/mischievous themed air-flow this morning. I don't know why, because there's a biology exam scheduled in an hour and 45 minutes. But fear it, I not. ... "isn't language a curious thing?" bleh, sorry for the random post, Oh you-who-have-yet-to-discover-that-this-exists. jk! I do appreciate the comments, Monica!!

I have left-over Pizza Hut for lunch today! Just an ultimately random fact you should all know. Oh, and I've decided to write my research paper on exorcisms. Not exactly sure what my thesis statement is yet, but it'll be fun. Ryan challenges my ability to prove the existence of God, Devil, Good, Evil and demons in an 8 page paper. Maybe I'll just have to start with that, instead of attention to detail. Bring it on, anyway.

The vocal competition was fun this weekend. ND Nats aren't half as professional as MN, and the people aren't as friendly, nor are the judges as objective. <--(yes, this IS meant in a bad way.) I was about 85% pleased with my performance, but apparently the two judges weren't that happy with it. (kind of strange, because I advanced in MN last fall, where the competition is waaay stiffer). So I accepted it - can't always be on top, you know. That is, until I heard the semi-round in my level. I can't tell you how frustrating it is, to be sitting, listening, and KNOWING that it should totally be you up there performing! Two of the five semi's totally sucked, were singing pieces that were way above their capacity, in the most airy and ailing tones imaginable!!! I was kind of upset. The one consoling factor is, I was satisfied with how I sang. No real regrets, no longer perturbed; reason has set in.
As I was saying, the competition was loads of fun. And I really mean that!! Travis, Angie, Niki, Steph and Laura all took awards in their levels (5 out of 13). We had an excellent time, eating, goofing off and being completely over-tired with one another. Good times.

That's all.

The Girl

2006-03-27T12:22:00.001-06:00

A soft vibrant nymph,
gently breathing through lips sweet.
Head peeked out at a fast pace,
scarf dripping from her hair.
Pink arm,
petting a blossom that matched her
cheeks.
Would that I could take
a stance with her,
Learn her joyous dance from her.
She smiles on what is good,
comforts all that should be.
A kind word, a girlish blush,
an innocence beyond the common reckoning;
Sneered upon by many,
yet coveted by all.

For Ashley

2006-03-09T17:06:00.000-06:00

A Solitary hand,
coaxing the musty reverberations of wood.
An enlightened soul,
surfacing in a plaintive melody.
Sustaining, now staccatto, always swaying,
swaying to the rhythm of a poet's heartbeat.
Oh, the Solitary Hand,
bravely wielding this instrument
of temporary death.

2006-02-26T21:58:00.001-06:00

In the room of silence,
a condescending smile closes the open door.
Steady and undying cries pervade the corridors.
They are trying to get in.
The unwanted,
those of shattered hopes,
grope for the light of truth.
Deep in the recesses of time
the groans come:
'Feed us,
else we wither.'
Who will heed the open mouths
of ignorance,
of despair?
Will no one give them the answer they seek?
The room darkens,
but the voices do not fade with the light.
On and on they beg,
for nourishment,
for balance,
for Hope.

My night there is over.
I have heard their outcries.
And I will quench them.

AhhhhHh!!

2006-02-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've been just pleh. No, I don't feel horribly ugly, or even fat :D, but utterly worthless!! It's positively the most horrid thing EVER!!!!! The worst thing of it is, I know it's just my blasted pride! Of course I'm good at some things. everyone IS!! But just because you're good, doesn't mean you have to be the best! And that's what my problem is; always comparing, analyzing, making assessments and getting depressed when I fall short.
It's not because of me that I have any capabilities at all, anyway! So why do I feel like I have to live up to other's expectations of how well I do things? Or live up to my own? <--This I think is normal, but not to be so pre-occupied with it, as I unwillingly have been.

Part of the reason? I've been spending rather large amounts of time alone. where I don't really talk and get away from....well, me. Haven't been my normal happy jovial lately, and that is slightly worrying. Ha! Proof that self-centeredness is truly depressing.

My HEro!

2006-02-02T19:14:00.000-06:00

My English prof, in answer to my growing concern of sterile writing, commanded me (rather forcefully in fact) to go out and get myself a Mr. Potato Head. *imagine blank stare, jawbones slightly ajar* She says I am to find random things in my room, write each on a slip of paper, and stick them all in Mr. PH. Everyday I pull one out and make myself write about it. A disciplinary tactic, I would assume. I am just tempted to try it. hmmm, I would definitely have something 'interesting' to put here, wouldn't I? ah well, I'll keep you posted. *no pun intended*

Literature

2006-02-01T11:17:00.000-06:00

In my mind, Literature isn’t just a bunch of sentences written by who-knows-what hand and randomly published because it contains a lot of big words. To lawfully earn this title, there must be some element in the writing style; some streak that sets it apart from the rest of the written litter that sadly pollutes our libraries. Literature is something written, yes, and something read, but it’s also something that endures. Standing the test of time, there are the classics that have been with us nearly forever. Shakespeare, Dickens, Longfellow and Austen are household names for most of us. Their legacy of writing excellence is one of our greatest cultural treasures. But it is not after these pieces have lasted for centuries that we say, “ah, their work is great”. The moment one reads “Great Expectations”, for example, he doesn’t need to be told that it’s been proclaimed for 140 years steady. The way it was written, the manner in which it takes you up and fills your soul, was meant to last. It’s automatic. Even in today’s writing, this is the exact thing that separates the good from the bad; will it endure? Does it have the juice necessary to carry it through the deeps of history and back again? This, and only this, is worthy to be called ‘Literature’.

But why does true Literature survive and maintains it’s fresh and unstudied sparkle? Partly, I think, because it is truthful. It teaches us about the depth of human nature. And when reading it, man derives something of worth applicable to himself and his station in life. He can see life on the full scale, through another’s eyes, and it’s fulfilling. Not only is Literature honest, but it tells its truths in an expressive and passionate style. You yearn to read on and on, to explore the secrets seen and told only through the narrator. When an author has achieved this goal and infected others with his ingenuous enthusiasm, he has written a slice of immortality.

See what extensive branches there are in Literature; fiction (which may not be truthful in fact, but is in principle), poetry, journalism, mythology, memoirs, history. All of these strictly follow the theory stated above to the letter. If it’s truthful, expressive and filled with spirit, it will last through the ages, no question about it... That’s what I call Literature.

2006-01-31T16:45:00.000-06:00

I have just been informed via junk mail from 'IM Dating', that "women are looking for me"... maybe I'll just keep hiding.

whaaa?

2006-01-26T17:50:00.000-06:00

It isn't very likely that man will be on the moon in the near future. After all, since Captain Kangaroo has been on medication, the whole world's gone kaplooey. With whitewashed walls and paper wrapped cabinets, there is really no hope for further development in road blockage. But then, it's open to conjecture if this is even a sound institution; what with all the arguing and insulting going on everywhere, one might be tempted to assume that the school library was the only available shelter on that dismal but orderly night. But can one even open a bank account these days, without the veternarian having his share of spaghetti? Crazy though it may sound, electricians don't get paid much more than the average U-haul drivers. In my humble opinion, this could be disasterious, seeing how the last montage of settlements upset the crawfish so terribly. But who is to say why a jet missle would find its way into the rest area. He probably got directions from Orsen Wells.

The Catholic Card

2006-01-25T01:46:00.000-06:00

All this business about Samuel Alito is driving me completely batty. I mean, so the man is Catholic; is this now a crime in America? What is it exactly that everyone fears about this guy? The abortion shot didn't work, so now it's on to the religion. What ever happened to "non-discrimination", might I ask???? What's with all this talk about a "Catholic Majority in the Senate"? Well, what about a Protestant Majority? This has never been a concern. How can they even make this a big deal? Needless to say, it's all very confusing; it'd just be nice if our judicial officials would decide whether the rules apply or not.

*note: I'm not that knowledgeable regarding the private opinions of the nominee in question, so I wouldn't say I either support or oppose his nomination. The injustice and bias just boils me over, that's all.
Official Disclaimer: The author of this post is not in any way, shape, or form affiliated with said judicial candidate, nor does she profess any opinion as to his personal or political worth. There, I've covered myself, so don't sue me.

No More

2006-01-19T11:06:00.000-06:00

I have nothing whatever to put here. No inspiration, and positively no confidence. Two slams in one week is plenty. I'm putting you on hold.

2006-01-12T13:36:00.000-06:00

Last night I was pleased to discover that there still exists a breed of objective and compassionate reporters in our US, whose real intent is to give an unobstructed, truthful view of their subject matter. Martin Bashir pulled off an excellent report last night on Nightline, discussing abortion and the trade-off of life, face-to-face with one termed "the Abortionist of Arkansas". It was the first I'd ever seen of this journalist, and I was wholly impressed by Bashir's concerned, straightforward and totally objective manner. It was consoling to see this in the present, corrupted, agenda-pushing world of broadcasting.

You mean, my raggy baggy jeans don't cut it???

2006-01-11T16:54:00.000-06:00

I come back to school and cringe. Is it just Americans or do all people nowadays have no sense of class or decorum? Or is it honestly that hard to get dressed in the morning that you're wearing sweats to school? I mean, really. Our professors at least make an effort to look presentable; normally a dress shirt, sometimes even dress pants. Hey, get this: I have one prof. whom I have never seen without a TIE!!!!!! In my opinion, school, especially college, is a profession. When completing a survey, one doesn't write "hey yeah, I work at Burger Time". No, ya write Student. So please, please, try to be semi-professional about it. Give the same courtesy to your instructors as you expect from them. This is your job at the moment; treat it that way.

Another thing. It is considered disrespectful and out of order if a professor speaks badly to his peers about his students. But why is this permissable from the other side? They deserve every respect and consideration from us. It's a joint journey here. You can't just take take take. Remember, they don't have to teach us. Give your professor the luxury of an unsullied reputation at least, and keep the little teeny, unimportant annoyances to yourself!!! Unless something is seriously wrong, such as misinformation, (like in the case of History! There is nothing I hate more in school than inaccurate history) there is no reason to bring it up to people. Okay? Oh, btw, if anyone of you finds me guilty of doing this same thing, I personally give you permission to hit me. Thank you.

You're just so Sanguine!

2006-01-03T01:23:00.000-06:00

This is the most annoying thing to hear from melancholics, or sometimes more fittingly called lemoncholics. Honestly, just because someone has a fun-loving personality, and a crazy, spontaneous side, one is not to presume that that individual has no capacity for deep, poetic thought. It just peeves me to think that when I say something silly or romantic I will hear those melancholics about me quote the over-classic "Sara, you're so sanguine", in the most drawled out and patronizing manner. Well, yes I am sanguine, and proud of it, to boot!!! And here is another eye opener for all you mellies: I can and do observe, reason, make assessments and hold my own in an argument. Furthermore, I enjoy doing these things. How would you melancholics out there like to hear "hehe, I just get a kick out of you cuz you're so melancholic" every single time you're in a moody mood? or crack out the dry humor? or fail to see the joke? huh?
Now I am finished. I'll post this, and delete it within three days because after rereading it I'll realize it's too strongly and passionately written. But that's only because I'm so darn sanguine.

The Long Awaited...

2005-12-12T13:06:00.000-06:00

Okay all, I'm about to present my dearly beloved essay on Capital Punishment to you. I have thought a long time about allowing outsiders to see my young 'child' but after much consideration, I've decided that you are all semi-nice people ;P and it can't do much harm. Here goes, Persuasion essay for English. ::::::::::::::

For the last three centuries, there has been ceaseless conflict regarding the legitimacy of the death penalty. Some say it is too harsh and barbaric; others rejoin that it has its place and should indeed be used when appropriate. I cast my lot with the latter, and further, I contend that capital punishment is absolutely necessary for the survival of the justice system and maintaining a sense of guilt in the American people. Justice demands serious, permanent action to be taken against grave offenders, that victims of crime should be granted full compensation, and that others be deterred from committing similar crimes by example of the punishment sentenced to previous transgressors. No other form of punishment satisfies these requirements; not parole, manual labor, fines or even life in prison. Only the death penalty has what is necessary to serve justice in severe cases. This statement can be proved logically, legally, historically, and from a religious point of view.

Firstly, consider what justice is; it is the rendering of all that is due in a particular, individual circumstance. When a crime is committed, a burglary, for example, it is imperative that the criminal reimburse all money stolen and the value of what inconvenience his crime caused; this much is commonplace. When a man is guilty of slander, pilfering public funds, or any such offence, there must be a public retraction or repayment, but also some service to the public at large. This could take the form of community work, personally repairing the damage, fines, or short imprisonment. The punishment must fit the crime, however; no lesser and no greater. This is what justice means.

But here I have spoken of minor offenses. The perpetrators now mentioned, if justly sentenced, would assuredly learn from their mistakes and cease to violate the law. Certainly a death sentence has no place among petty theft and character assassination. Its place lies with murder, rape, child molestation, and inexorable felons; those who have committed crimes too great or numerous to remunerate in a single lifetime. Not all crimes can be repaid in the same manner in which they were committed. One cannot subject the offender to the same atrocities that he himself is guilty of. Knowing what vile crimes there are, this would be inhumane and a total conflict of interest. The only just action in the case of murder and brutal behavior is to take the offender’s life, the instrument with which he destroyed the life of another. As for those with innumerable offenses, after 176 years in prison their debt to society may be paid, but no felon will live that long, and his debt would go unpaid. This is unjust. The death penalty is also for those irreformable criminals who are a constant threat to the general welfare. Even persons opposed to the use of capital punishment grant this. “The death of a citizen cannot be necessary, but in one case. When, though deprived of his liberty, he has such power and connections as may endanger the security of the nation….” (Cesare Beccaria).

Human life is of infinite value and an absolute right; thus the constitution, government and judicial courts have always stated, “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person” (Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 3), and if one individual steals this divine right from a fellow citizen, he consequently forfeits his own claim to life; he pays for the life he took, with his own. “If you kill another, you kill yourself” (Immanuel Kant). This is the only way human life receives its full value, and the sole manner in which the victim can receive absolute justice and therefore be ‘avenged’. To assign merely a life sentence to a murderer is to cheapen the worth of innocent life; it is to put taking innocent life on the level of robbery and drug dealing. Furthermore, if death were not the punishment for such crimes as murder, think how many more killings and violent crimes we would face. What would there be to stop criminals in their tracks? Surely not life imprisonment; only so many life sentences can be heaped on one offender. Come on, what’s one more? This is no threat to prospective murderers. The fact is that the sentence of execution deters potential lawbreakers from criminal behavior.

Some say that the death penalty is unconstitutional, violating the eighth and fourteenth amendments on cruel and unusual punishment. However, the American justice system doesn’t think that claim to be true. In the case of Trop v. Dulles, (356, U.S.), Mr. Chief Justice Warren stated:
“Whatever arguments may be against capital punishment, both on moral grounds and in terms of accomplishing the purposes of punishment… the death penalty has been employed throughout our history, and, in a day when it is still widely accepted, it cannot be said to violate the constitutional concept of cruelty”.

And refusing a review in the death penalty case, Callins v. Collins, Justice Antonin Scalia confirmed that:
“The Fifth Amendment provides that ‘[n]o persons shall be held to answer for a capital…crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury…nor be deprived of life…without due process of law’. This clearly permits the death penalty to be imposed and establishes beyond doubt that the death penalty is not one of the ‘cruel and unusual punishments’ prohibited by the Eighth Amendment” (Congressional Quarterly Researcher, Vol. 5, No. 9).

Another reason for the preservation of the death penalty is that of its lengthy existence and success. Capital punishment has been employed as a deterring means for centuries, and from this fact it can be deduced that this form of punishment is effectual and does indeed have value. Obviously it works, or it would have been abandoned long ago. But, even if it didn’t work in deterring other criminals, it has still protected countless innocent persons from potential harm. John McAdams makes a very good point:
“If we execute murderers and there is in fact no deterrent, we have killed a bunch of murderers. If we fail to execute murderers, and doing so would in fact have deterred other murderers, we have allowed the killing of a bunch of innocent victims. I would much rather risk the former”.

There is a also religious side of this debate about capital punishment. Is the death penalty moral? Is it ethical to take the life of a murderer, ever? even if it be to prevent further crimes? The Bible, the highest written authority in the Christian world, says yes. It is written, “Whosoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed: for man was made to the image of God” (Gen. 9:6) and “wrongdoers thou shalt not suffer to live” (Ex. 22:18). It does not mean that the ordinary citizens can go around avenging their lost ones. This condemnation is to be exercised by the government. This is shown if you read further, “For [the ruler] is God’s minister to thee, for good. But if thou do that which is evil, fear: for he beareth not the sword in vain. For he is God’s minister: an avenger to execute wrath upon him that doth evil” (Romans 13:4). It’s interesting to note that the passage says ‘sword’, the instrument of execution; this obviously refers to capital punishment.

It’s also worthy of notice that, perhaps surprisingly, the majority of Americans support the death penalty. A poll taken by ABC News/Washington Post of 1082 adults in April of 2005 shows that 65% of Americans favor the death penalty for convicted murderers; 29% opposed, 6% undecided. And for the abduction and murder of children, a whopping 71% feel that the death penalty should be mandatorily sentenced, as shown in a 2002 Fox News poll of 900 adults nationwide (see citations). We can see that it’s a minority that opposes capital punishment; being a democracy, America is therefore pro death penalty.

So it is seen that capital punishment is necessary for justice to be served in grave cases, for the dignity of the victim to be protected, and for the discouragement of future crimes. Furthermore, the constitution and judicial courts, the Bible and the majority of Americans, condone the legality of the death penalty, as well as our ancestors from centuries ago. With these facts in mind, it’s hard to suppose that even a 29% can be in opposition to the historic means of punishment here considered.

In an Irrational World

2005-12-01T16:13:00.000-06:00

My reflections today lead me in the way of conflicting arguments; how people often claim one stance, but simultaneously hold view on another topic that completely contradicts the principle involved in the former. I know you're dying for examples... Certain individuals state that the death penalty is wrong, ruthless and disrespectful to human life. I can see how people have this view of it; not my own but at least, it's understandable. What boggles me, is these same people are pro-abortion!! Apparently, the only human life of value must be outside the womb. If someone hits you, oh, that's abuse. Sue them, why not? You'd probably win. But the unborn? Nah, you can mutilate their young bodies, discard their very souls with no qualms of conscience. And how is this manner of death any more humane than the other?? I mean, really, killing a being before he's had a chance to see his mother's face. Even a convicted felon on death row is allowed his last words. Are our smallest innocent citizens to be refused their first?

The Best Things about Writing Essays in College??

2005-11-18T11:45:00.000-06:00

1) it's an awesome way to formulate your thoughts and prove a point; 2) you can come down as hard as you need to in your arguments; it's your 'right', and hey, just get it out of your system cuz profs love strong papers; 3) you know at least one person will read it; 4) chances are, you'll express your idea well and get a good grade. As prove of these statements, an example. I recently wrote a very short essay on the differences between man and woman, emotionally and in society. It was the easiest thing; decide what aspects you want to examine, divide it up into successive points and write. Just spill out what you've been dying to shout out at your fellow students for weeks! :D As a result, my prof told me to go into journalism. Needless to say this surprised me; until I proof-read my neighbor's draft essay. Thank God for a cultured education! that's all I can say. But that is for another post.

I just transferred all the stuff I wanted from my old blog, which is now History!! *evil destructive cackle*

2005-11-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

So life continues after the weekend. Being in college puts a whole new light on things. I find it interesting that suddenly there is more responsibility, but at the same time, you get away with more. You have to get your assignments done on time, you are held accountable for your actions, but then there is this stereotype that all college students are party animals who are incapable of creditable work. Sorta weird.

Ever wondered just what you are doing with your life? I mean, here I am at 9am on a Monday morning, on a computer listening to the West Side Story soundtrack waiting for classes to start. What the heck am I working for? I have an answer, thank God. But all throughout campus, there are students who have no clue what life is about, much less what they want to do with theirs. What GOD wants them to do. Man, how depressing. I have to stop.

"The most beautiful sound I ever heard. Maria."

In choir, we are now working on the Lord Nelson Mass, by Franz Haydn. It's so magnificent. I feel like a cheater, in a way, not having to learn the Latin. But it soon swells to pride at the mystique and grandeur of the Catholic culture, of which we Americans have no conception. I am so going to Europe. Don't know when, but I'm going.

Avid Lotr Rebirth

2005-10-27T12:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been wasting too much of my time on the computer lately..... but I have found some of the awesomest ;P sites! Go here for a good laugh. I found them highly amusing. Must say I'm now obsessed with Wilbur.

I got a haircut on Tuesday. Why are certain hair types so frizzy? shucks! But I got up early this morning to put curlers in. The frizz is okay now. wait til tomorrow.
Early mornings don't agree with me. Maybe I don't agree with them. At any rate, our relationship is about to be terminated.
Survived yesterday; this is cause for rejoicing. Huge choral concert this weekend. very exited. I get to ride a bus. yea.

Latuh.

2005-10-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

Fall is in there air everywhere here in western Minnesota. And my site looks autumny. yay! I'm working on a descriptive essay right now, on Memory. It's actually alot more difficult than it sounds. You have to explain the concept of memory, what it is and how it works and what it does, to someone who has never heard of it. yeah, interesting.
We have to do a poster for Cell Bio again. Rats! The draft is due next Wednesday. SO annoying! Don't get me wrong, I love the lecture, the professors and the learning. I just HATE THE LAB! No, I dislike it with a passion. :)
I'm debating whether or not I should go to English. It started at 2:00, but my paper' s not finished yet. I guess I could finish it, and get over there for the last half hour, but I'm at a dead end right now, mentally. Gosh, I hate that. And I honestly don't know why I'm updating anyway. It's not like there's anything of interest to report. Saturday will be good. I'm going to a party and bonfire. LaserTag, tons of fun. That about does it for me. Cya later, all you people who never read this anyway.

2005-10-13T17:50:00.000-05:00

My life is pretty much on the up and up lately. Good things happen in bulk.

I survived the poster and essay due last week, actually caught up with French oooon..Monday, and I love my choir director. The concert on Tuesday was positively fanastic! All the choirs sang wonderfully and the soloists weren't too bad either *winkwink* I just can't express enough how awesome it is to be in an organized choir. Progress is bound to be made. And our director is the coolest!! He really understands the voice and how to use it most effectively. MAN, it's fun!

I have been recently told that I should seriously consider a writing career.
ME: WhAt? I don't even like writing! And I don't unless I have to.
Eng. Prof: Well, I never would have guessed, you put so much into it.
ME: Okay, I just had an opinion about that particular topic, that's why I wrote on it.
Eng. Prof: That's the way you should do it. There are only three people in this class I'm really pushing to go on with writing and you're one of them. You have the gift.
Isn't that weird? Gall, now I'm all jumbled again. I mean, I was gonna do massage next year, maybe cosmotology after that and then maybe go back for an English major. Go figure.
My voice teacher is pushing me too. I'm going to a voice competition the first weekend in November. It promises to be really exciting, and a great learning experience as well. Gosh, there is so much talent here at MSU; I feel very young.

Side note: Chicken Little opens on my birthday!!! Woohoo!

And the Boredom goes ON!

2005-06-11T00:59:00.000-05:00

As you may suppose, I have nothing whatever to write here, random or no. You see me now in moment of mental frenzy, attempting to uncover some, however pointless, information from this over-used brain of mine. But none now avails itself to be found, so I leave you as ignorant as when you first arrived. Live well and don't forget to remind yourself of certain things you may not remember.

More edifying thoughts.....

2005-05-31T03:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought of how amazing the human voice is?? Just sit back and THINK about it..... Honestly, it's astounding how much potential there is in this invaluable ability that we take for granted... Just one set of vocal chords makes it possible to talk, laugh, groan, (and my personal favorite): SING!
There are so many different sounds you can make with your voice. One person is capable of singing opera, pop, rock, Gregorian Chant, country, jazz, you name it.... many varying styles and sounds, yet one voice.
The voice is man's main method of communication; and the vast number of languages through which this is done is phenomonal! Accents are numerous as well. Some are melodious and sweet, just as others grate on the ear, yet the same basic organ make-up is responsible for all sound. It is through the voice that one makes known to others his compassion, joy, ambitions, anger; his apologies, his love. But it is by this same great power that men lie and defile the innocent, that they swear and curse the very Being Who gave them their faculty. Is this not arrogance and grave ingratitude to so repay the Creator and Bequeather of the majestic gift of articulation?

Is yond despised and ruined man? Full of decay and failing? What an alteration of honor has desperate want made!

2005-05-21T22:46:00.001-05:00

Just take a moment to appreciate the glory of the English language...... English is the language of Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, William Wordsworth, Thomas More, Bishop Williamson :). (and Henry Higgins!) Not to mention Walt Whitman, Mark Twain, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow & Louisa May Alcott . It is truly sad that in schools today our language is not taken seriously, and those who speak it well are looked upon as "cukes". (sorry, I had to!) How hard is it to use "I" only in the nominative case and "me" in the objective? And how many times must one explain that in most instances, "good" is an ADJECTIVE?!?!?!?! English is being watered down by a slow but toxic starving of the human mind... How often does the average American have to pick up the dictionary just to read Shakespeare?? What has happened to all the words like infantile, mendicant, pertinacious, diffidence? It is better not to read and write at all, than to abuse the language of your heritage.

Go have an exemplary day now!!